Talking to your children
Articles
Preparing to tell the children
Many people who’ve separated say separation is worse than death because when someone dies you can have a funeral and say goodbye. When you separate, you experience the death of your 'couple relationship' and yet there are no obvious rituals like a funeral to help you. This can make things hard to move on.
Talking to grown up children
Even though your child may have grown up and in many ways be independent, inside your adult son or daughter is a child watching their mum and dad separate.
Understanding your child's needs and behaviour
Most children do come to terms with their parents’ separation and adjust to changes in family life. But it can take months or even years. You and your child's other parent may discover different needs from your child at different times.
Involving children in decisions
As you become a separated co-parent, you’ll have many decisions to make, now and in the future. This can seem daunting.
Your child’s self-esteem
Sometimes children have bad thoughts and feelings about themselves when their parents split up. They think that somehow they must be to blame for their mum and dad’s separation.
Ask Ammanda: How do I tell my grown-up children I'm getting a divorce?
Our youngest son (18) recently left home to move to another city. Things haven’t been good between me and my husband for a while (i.e. five years or more), but having time to talk about things properly has made it clear neither of our hearts are really in this anymore.
Protecting children from arguments
Much as you may not want to argue within sight or sound of your children, it can happen. Separation is a difficult time for everyone.
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When parents split up the questions about where the children will live and how will each parent get to spend time with them will naturally arise. It is important to keep your children informed about what you are planning and listen to their opinions too.
Maintaining relationships with your child -
Children will react in different ways to the divorce. Some will be angry, hurt or upset, some may show no reaction at all. In families where there has been a great deal of fighting between parents, children may even feel relieved. They need to know that this is normal.
Helping your children deal with their emotions