Preparing to tell the children

Your separation is a life-changing event for your children. The more you plan and prepare for letting them know about it, the better you can support them.

Your children’s needs will depend upon their age and development, but the following are some areas you may find it helpful to think about when preparing to tell your children about your separation.

Can you work together?

If you can, speak to your ex about how you’re going to talk to the children.

If it doesn’t create conflict, it can help to tell your children about your separation together.

Whether working together or alone, you may want to prepare answers to the questions you most dread being asked.

Will you be strong enough?

Think about how you (and your ex) may react while breaking the news. Consider how can you deal with things if they get difficult.

What’s the best time and place?

Often, the family home is a comfortable place for children to be.

If you’ve young children, they may want something to play with to help them stay focused. However, with older children you may want to avoid the distraction of TV, phones and computers.

Pick an unhurried time when there’ll be no interruptions and you can all be around afterwards if necessary.

How will my children be?

It’s natural to have expectations of how your children may react. However, reactions can vary and are sometimes delayed. Try to be prepared for this and take one step at a time.

Thinking about what your children need

If you have experiences of your own parents separating or other couples close to your family, take a moment to remember how this felt for you.

• How old were you?
• What do you remember feeling?
• How did someone else comfort you?
• What helped and what didn’t?

Exploring these questions can help you work out what you want (or don’t want) for your children when they hear your news.