Top five money issues couples argue about

This page was written in conjunction with The Money Advice Service. 

Do you ever feel like money is a problem in your relationship? If so, you’re not alone. Lots of us find money a tricky topic to talk about openly with our partners, and it can often lead to arguments. But there are ways you can help make sure money doesn’t become an unmanageable problem. Here are five common money arguments and how you can resolve them.

1. We can’t decide whether to manage money jointly or separately

There is no one size fits all approach to whether you should manage your money jointly or separately, but it can be tricky if you don’t see eye to eye with your partner about it.

Before you open a joint bank account, it’s worth knowing you’ll both be responsible for any debt or overdrafts, so it’s vital you trust each other. You need to be clear on what you consider to be a fair contribution and stick to it.

If you don’t have a joint account, you’ll both keep your earnings separate. Any bills you share, like the rent or mortgage, need to be split on a case-by-case basis. If this is your preference, you will need to plan everything and communicate regularly, and decide how you’re going to split the bills – will it be 50/50, or another way?

It’s important, whatever your choice, that you don’t get yourself in a situation where only one of you understands your finances. A mutual understanding means you’ll both know what you can and can’t afford, and if something were to happen to one of you, the other would have an idea of their financial affairs.

The Money Advice Service has a guide on your different options for managing your money.

2. My partner spends a lot more than me

Different spending patterns can easily cause friction. But it is vital that you speak to each other.

If talking just ends in arguments, you’ll need outside help from an adviser, a debt counsellor, or even a relationship counsellor.

There are some steps you can take to protect yourself if you feel things have gone too far. Although credit cards can’t be ‘joint’ for example, it’s common to have a main cardholder and additional authorised users. If an authorised user runs up debt it’s still the responsibility of the cardholder to pay them, so take your partner off your credit card if you’re worried.

It’s also important you don’t agree to any joint debts secured against your home.

3. My partner is in debt

The repercussions of heavy debt can have a serious and negative impact. Money Advice Service research showed nearly a third of UK adults (30%) have been with a partner who they later found out was in serious debt. One in five (18%) admitted that they have hidden their own debts from their partner. 

If you or your partner are in debt, the best thing they can do is to get help. Debt advice is free and confidential – and you can find it local to you.  It’s also useful to prioritise your debts – priority debts are those which could result in you losing your home, being evicted, or having your gas or electricity cut off.

Guide your partner to the Money Advice Service debt advice locator tool.

4. We aren’t open about money  

Many of us admit we are less than truthful with our spouses when it comes to actual bank balances. Nearly one in seven (13%) married UK adults has a secret ‘stash of cash’ which their partner doesn’t know about and a further 15% have previously had a secret stash.

To help smooth any conversations about money, it’s good to have a mutual financial goal or two. Whether it’s balancing your budget, using spare cash to start an emergency fund, saving for a holiday – or whatever you choose – sit down with your partner and plan the things important to you.

5. We are splitting up, and can’t resolve how to split our assets

Make a list of everything you own, and any debts you have. Include everything from your home to your savings. 

Generally, it’s better if you can talk about how you’d like to sort out your joint money. But if you think your ex-partner could run up debts on joint accounts you should act quickly, as either of you could be asked to repay the full amount on a joint loan or overdraft.

Try to avoid arguing with your ex-partner through a solicitor, if you can, as if you use one for lots of face-to-face meetings and telephone calls – and especially if your case goes to court – the overall legal costs could be very expensive.

The Money Advice Service guide can help you work out how to split your possessions.

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